July 28, 2011
Tell me o’ heart why you weep so – for the lover who savagely shattered you thus?
“tis not the betrayal, lies or agony from which I weep – but the thought of never beating to soothe my beloved again
the fear his heart may forever be bereft
from the warmth of such pure love
so lacking that is ceases to beat
without ever again swelling as it once did for me
or worst – never basking in the glory of another lover, more cherished than I.”
March 6, 2011
At the cusp of being loved unconditionally- you blinked; and the dream had no chance to taste the bitter-sweet embrace of reality.
when you sever one.. an other dies… A.A.
an illusion of perfection.. a reality too bold for you?
The scariest thing about drowning isn’t the realization of impending death… its the sheer panic, of screaming as loud as you can when no one can hear you,
Its not when your eyes begin to glaze and surroundings become a blur… its the realization that your body has turned against you and become an anchor pushing you to your demise… its the utter lack of control that is the scariest part of drowning.
Lack of control is what I’ve feared most, even as my feet are planted firmly on solid earth.
I grew thorns to ward off malicious enemies, but my brashness cost me the beauty of friendships. Now i decay in my misery wrapped in a cocoon of spider webs as the world around me blossoms in the bounty of spring…. consequences.
I am content with the company of the voices in my head, at least they are dependable. I can withdraw to them at any moment and shut out the gossiping chatters, fussing hands and impatient heartbeats. It IS possible to be lonely in a universe ablaze with life.
What am I but a collision of atoms, bonding together in harmony.
Gliding through the universe biding time
Seeking to be sought
To be found and then lost
Till my calling comes
and I morph into something else
Life is a constant struggle between polarities; that which gives you most pleasure also can cause the most sorrow… one that wounds you deeply also provides opportunities to heal … like the sun that warms your flesh but casts a cold shadow on the ground. Without tears of anguish, tears of joy can not be appreciated … without flaws, perfection can not be attained.
I had searched long and wide
for someone just like you
The poise, the faith, the spirit, the strength
You had it all
So why did I hesitate?
Why did I not reach out and grab the hand you extended?
And you were gone.
I am afraid to believe in third chances.
All I am left with is ghost of a chance or maybe just a ghost.
Fruit fly lives only a day,
But its life is perfection,
It sees no light of another day,
But its life is perfection.
Among the land of thorns
Stood a ray of hope
Lonely, yet with many friends
But none to trust
Not a word,
Not another will I bear
Theres nothing I haven’t already heard
Nothing I can stand to hear.
Letting you go would be the hardest thing I ever have to do in my life.
I know it must be done, but as I stand here alone I am clinging to the warm memories of the past. Hoping the laughter we shared will give support to my weakening knees. Or picturing your smiling face will sooth the knots in my stomach and keep me from gaging on the pungent poison of doubt. (more…)